Step 2: Fail Better
My 9th grade english teacher had one of those classic makeshift motivational poster in her classroom. The quote, by Samuel Beckett, read “Ever tried. Ever failed. No matter. Try again. Fail again. Fail better”. At the time I remember thinking it was a nice attempt at inspiration, but it always left me wanting more. Would it kill old Sam for a bit more flourish or ocean metaphor or something? All of that to say, I still think of it often, especially when I do in fact fail.
Failure is such a thing we are bread to be so afraid of. Failure means everything falls to shit and becomes synonymous with the inability to be successful. We are preached at starting at birth to be the best and failure is not an option. Competition breeds success and success breeds power and so the narrative goes.
As a chosen life long learner, I think it’s fair to say that I have always, and will always continue to learn more from my failures. I have spent a good chunk of my life feeling like one, and sometimes let that feeling get to me. But ultimately, I welcome failure with open arms as an opportunity to learn about myself and life itself, to try again and to fail better.
I thank that english teacher all these years later for inspiring something that I now understand to be so profound in its simplicity. Fail better. Failing better means acknowledging the ways internalized capitalism sinks it’s teeth into every aspect of our society, but it does not have to win. Failing better means choosing everyday to try to be better. What does better mean? I think that really depends on so many factors; but to me better means there’s a conscious choice to be better than I was before. Whether that be at a task or skill of mastery or quieting the voice in my head that tells me I’m not good enough long enough to try something again. It’s the power and courage in continuing to choose more than mediocrity in the pursuit of personal growth and fulfillment. It’s choosing to not be afraid of something totally falling apart and seeing the opportunity to pick up the pieces as of the same importance as if the goal was reached. It’s choosing to admit when you’ve harmed someone or made a mistake or said something racist or gaslit someone and to back up that apology with the commitment to doing better next time.
At the end of 2020, I put myself out there, applying for what I would have told you mere three months ago was a dream career opportunity. I found out recently that I did not get that opportunity, I was not deemed eligible or qualified enough but I should try again next year. In short, I failed. Don’t get me wrong, the days that followed included plenty of time to wallow and grieve the life I had fully fantasized. I cried, felt worthless and absolutely considered giving up on my dream, I am a human being after all. But after a couple of days, with the unwavering support of the people in my life, I got back to the drawing board. I share this not to brag about my resilience (which by the way is a product of two decades of therapy and a commitment to my healing paired with the most incredible support system and chosen family in the world) but to hopefully encourage others to own their power in their own ability to choose, even after a failure. Capitalism, and its leech into all corners of our world, wants us to believe that failing at an attempt to chase a dream or fulfill a purpose is in vain, and eventually all of us come around to the 9-5 that makes large companies large profits and slowly chips away at our will. I am here to tell you that you will always have power because you will always have choice. You can use that choice however you want, and I hope the next time you are faced with failure you choose to try again. To fail better.